Lament for Swimsuit Shoppers, with Apologies to Lewis Carroll

Image: Library of Congress LC-USZ62-74076
If you consider shopping now, Then surely you’ll despair! Why not a suit that breaks the mold, Such as worn by this comely pair?

The time has come,” the retailer said,
“To stock up many things:
Of back to school–and Halloween stuff —
that make the registers ring!
And woe to those who’ve waited too long
to buy their summer things.”

But wait a bit,” the woman cried,
“Before you display all that;
I fear I still need summer clothes,
some sunscreen and a hat!”
“Well hurry!” growled the retailer.
“My sales are getting flat!”

“A swimming suit,” the woman said,
“Is what I chiefly need:
something fitting for the beach
Would be very good indeed–
Now that the weather’s warmed up dear,
It’s important I succeed.”

“You’ll find one here!” the retailer cried,
We still have quite a few!”
He led her toward his empty racks,
picked over, through and through.
“The selection’s fine,” the retailer misled.
“Are you seeking one suit or two?”

“It was so hard for me to come!
Swimsuit shopping makes me lose my mind!”
The woman began mumbling to herself,
“Now I’m in a bind:
I need a suit, my old one’s worn,
to wear these, I’d have to be blind!”

“It seems a shame,” the retailer said,
“To play you such a trick,
You should have come before July 4th,
our swimwear sells so quick!”
The woman she said nothing but
considered giving a well-placed kick.

“I weep for you,” the retailer said:
“I deeply sympathize.”
But to himself he chortled,
he’d sold almost all in her size!
To be this low on summer stock
was a most wondrous surprise!

“O madam,” said the retailer,
“I’ve had such pleasant fun!
Will you be shopping here again?’
But answer came there none–
And this was scarcely odd, because
she’d turned on her heels and run.


Inspired by The Walrus and the Carpenter, with apologies to Lewis Carroll

Image: Library of Congress LC-USZ62-74076

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