Ladies: Show this article to your husband at least two weeks before Mother’s Day, birthdays or any gifting holiday!
Most of us love being Moms. We love our families and wouldn’t exchange being a Mother for anything in the world. But admit it…don’t you sometimes wish you could go back to just being you for a day? You known…the you that existed BFF (before fabulous family)? The you who splashed on perfume instead of calamine lotion, who shopped for pastel clothing two sizes smaller without concern that strained carrots or green peas might show, the you for whom a normal evening meant a cute date, a romantic dinner, a flight of wine and a night on the town, not a re-run of Monk, a pot pie, a drink tray full of 7-eleven slurpees and fanning yourself in front of a hiccuping air conditioner.
I think I was several weeks into Motherhood before the call of the wild howled in me. I longed to throw caution to the wind and do something really crazy…like have private time in the bathroom or splurge on something not made by Johnson & Johnson. But alas, guilt won out. The insidious call of deferred maternal chores beckoned. By the time I answered, I could have bungee jumped from the top of the laundry, scaled the Everest of dishes in the sink or recreated “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” in our redwood forest of grass. I sighed, put my twin daughters down for their relay naps, fed the washing machine a seven course dinner and made a “to do list” out of whatever I couldn’t cram into the dishwasher without dismantling said machine. I considered borrowing a goat for the grass, but somehow, the thought of more poop deterred me.
Then a plan hit me. It was all so simple! All I needed was a large shelf and a big bell jar. I could put my husband and daughters on the shelf, under a bell jar, where they’d be safe and sound, and time would stand still within! Then, off I would go for a weekend of restless meanderings, binge sleeping, and indulgent food remarkably free of the word “helper.”
Did you know they don’t sell those on the internet? Well, at least, I couldn’t find any with specs that said they’d stop time or fit humans.
I made it through those first few years of motherhood with only an occasional and temporary transformation that involved the word “itch” with the antecedent letters “w” or “b.” Fortunately, my husband likes science fiction so he finds roaring, green-faced monsters entertaining.
Since those days, I’ve discovered the next best thing to a bell jar: The girlfriends’ getaway. For one weekend each X weeks/months [fill in frequency depending on desperation level], you get to click your heels, wave a “wand” (don’t you love the magic of credit cards!) and be someplace other than home… without dropping houses on anyone.
It’s amazing how a change of perspective and a little pampering can change your world from black and white back to technicolor. And before you know it, you’ll be ready to click your heels again and return to those little munchkins at home!